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I take pride in the way I look... I’m seen as stuck up. Extra. ‘Eggs up.’ A show off. Attention seeking!? I endeavour to speak properly... Well, that’s because I’m ashamed of my heritage. I'm not authentic!? I make an effort to fit in... Everyone knows I’m a flaky fake, faker!? I perm my hair... I want to be white!? I leave my hair natural... I don't have 'good' hair. I really should wear a weave!? I wear a weave... I want to be white!? I say I love to cook for my man... Would you believe feminism takes a backward step!? I go to church and stand on faith... I’m deluded and have renounced ancestral roots!? I push myself through college and university... Because I think I’m better than everyone else!? I pursue a career and buy my own home, a nice car... Apparently, I’ve sold out!? I give up my free time to counsel others... Naturally that's because I like the sound of my own voice!? I don’t sleep around... Ah well that’s because I’m sexually repressed!? I’m moved with compassion to be charitable... Oh, that’s because I like to feel important!? I turn the other cheek... Because I’m weak!? I announce, ‘I’m done bailing you out!' after repeated abuse... Hmmmm apparently that's because I’m selfish?! Well…that’s family for ya! Thank God for my friends Nairobi Thompson (c) 2009

You offer me redacted love And I accept That I get the censored you Telling myself that You’re not ready to commit Yourself wholly Because you’ve been hurt too much And as such... You need time You need to see I can be trusted With your heart If I give you the time you need And give you me Totally You’ll come to appreciate All my womanly warmth All my unique gifts And since I have convinced myself of this I am ridiculously accommodating To the point of being nauseating I make myself sick at the thought Of what I'm tolerating Yet the revulsion of being alone Feeds the compulsion to be with you... NaiNai (c) 2009 Excerpt fm 'Denial'

I am not a racist but I do prefer my own Unconscious racial bias Is somewhat overblown I am not a racist! I have friends who are black You’ve come so far since being a slave Don’t worry you’ll bounce back I am not a racist! This England is my home Your coming here in masses Is what I can’t condone I am not a racist but I often do agree With sharing key resources First with those who look like me I am not a racist! We’re equal, I know that! Your laziness, aggression, crime That’s not because you’re black I am not a racist! I’d never call you names Or burn a cross upon your lawn Because you’re spreading aids I am not a racist! I sympathise and dream Of a time when we’ll be equal You’ll be coffee, I’ll be cream I am not a racist! I want you to fit It’s the others who don’t understand They’re all just hypocrites! Nairobi Thompson (c) 2009

"NEVER MUDDY THE FIRST WATERHOLE YOU COME TO – YOU MIGHT JUST HAVE TO GO BACK AND DRINK THERE!" Rubertha Thompson (my mum) An old Military tactic was to destroy resources you've had your fill of, so the pursuing enemy doesn't get the opportunity to also refresh themselves...but what if you have to double back? There can be any number of reasons why someone needs to move to pastures new. Sometimes a move is necessary to develop your career; other times the environment has proved unhealthy because of stress or sometimes even abuse. Whatever the reason, you wake up one morning and say to yourself... ‘I need to leave!’ Questions like, ‘when or how should I do this?’ soon follow. Truth be told at this point we are rarely thinking about the impact our departure might have on our current employer. So does it matter how you leave? Yes it does! I can think of at least 3 reasons why you should leave well. Reason 1: You may think to yourself “I will never work for that organisation again!” but remember organisations are made up of people, and people who upset other people, leave too! Going back to an organisation you’ve left is not unheard of especially if the person who upset you has gone. Reason 2: People who treat other people well, also leave and may cross your path again. If they see you or hear of you down the line, it is better if they remember good things about you. Reason 3: You don’t know how many people, the people you plan to leave behind know, and how much influence they have in the world beyond your current place of employment! You may never bump into the people from your old company again but you need to consider who else they know. People tend to continue working within a specific industry. It is entirely possible for an ex-employer to influence your future with a single thoughtless comment about how much trouble you caused before you left and innocently declare that the trail of unfinished projects you left behind you is the only thing anyone remembers about you! STEPS TO LEAVING WELL Work your notice period I have seen people use annual leave as a way of working their notice. If this does not inconvenience the company and it’s a mutually agreeable way forward this option is viable. What needs to be remembered however is that the notice period is a way of allowing your company/department some breathing space so that they can find a replacement and deal with outstanding work. If these goals are compromised by you taking 3 weeks annual leave from the moment you quit, then you might want to rethink your plans. You are of course entitled to take whatever holiday is due to you. It is best however to negotiate that unused holiday is paid in your final paycheque than to run the risk of immediately becoming unavailable to close-off projects. If you are being harassed or bullied at work, it can be very difficult to keep going back, even to work your notice. Get advice about your options and look after your mental health. If you have formally complained and your employer knows that you are unhappy with the way you are being treated, they may be more flexible about how you work your notice. If they refuse to be flexible, you must look after your health. Finish outstanding work It can be difficult to motivate yourself to work hard or make sacrifices when you are leaving. It’s much easier to walk away from a project that requires a level of commitment you might not have even given had you stayed employed with this company; let alone now that you are working your notice! Looking at a project and saying, ‘it’s not my problem anymore!’ or simply walking out can have repercussions. The person who you leave with lots of additional work could one day be your boss in another life, another time! Whatever justification you give yourself or others give you to walk and keep walking, need to be left well alone. Your integrity should not have an ‘on-off’ switch! Work through your outstanding projects to the best of your ability. If something won’t be finished by the time you are ready to leave, forecast how far along the project will be by that time, and detail what will remain in your capacity to deliver. You might even recommend who can continue with it in your absence. Where appropriate do handover notes so that people can pick up from where you left off. A lot of this is challenging to do especially if you believe you have not been treated well. But remember… this is about who you are and how you want to be remembered. So be helpful – your employer should be sorry to lose you, not counting the days until you leave! Formally resign Do not treat your resignation like an amateur dramatic production: walking in to work late, interrupting an important meeting to say ‘I quit!’ won’t win you an Oscar! Neither will telling everyone you’re leaving before you have told your boss. You need to tell the right person/people in the right way. Write a formal letter stating the notice period effectiveness date and give reasons where you can. It’s the right thing to do; it’s courteous, professional and grown-up. Some companies have exit strategies which can range from filling in a questionnaire to full and frank discussions with an independent party. Whatever process is available do your best to engage with it fully. And finally... Thinking that you’re ‘sticking it to the man’ may be gratifying but it can also be very short-sighted. The project you didn’t finish, the replacement you trained poorly or avoided training, all impact other ‘people’ who will take your behaviour personally. You won’t know who had to miss little Johnny’s recital by working late or on a weekend because of you. You might be aiming at inconveniencing one person/manager in particular, but can you be sure that someone else won’t get caught in the crossfire?! Be your best YOU! The last thing you need is your new employers ringing to speak to someone in your old place for a reference and getting someone who is still seething about your lack of consideration or professionalism. Whilst no one in the UK can give you a bad or malicious reference, they can be truthful. If projects were poorly executed, they can say so; if you were always late, they can say so! In short, how you leave matters, so motivate yourself to leave well. Consider it ‘Reputation Management’. When you start your new job don’t just think about bringing skills and experience – think about bring a good reputation with you too.

Being praised is a genuine human need! It is a need that must be met on a regular basis. The key to developing people will always be to concentrate on letting them know when they are doing something right instead of waiting until they do something wrong. Yet there are so many managers who barely interact with their staff until they find something to criticise them for. As part of goal/objective setting be sure to let your staff know that you will give positive and constructive feedback on how well they are doing. Then there are two key things you need to emphasise when giving praise. First, be immediate. Don't save praise for the annual appraisal. Giving immediate praise is motivational and encouraging. Leaving praise until the end of the year or reporting period can make an employee feel undervalued. Imagine not hearing a 'well done' or a 'thank you for doing ABC...' for months! Second, be specific. Just saying, "Good job!" is fine but it is not particularly helpful because the staff member will not specifically know what was good about their performance. Explain why something was good, what value was added and who benefitted. That way people will understand what was good and know what practice or behaviour is worth repeating when the opportunity next arises. Being specific also ensures that the praise is sincere. Whilst saying "Good job" maybe sincere, because it is generic or 'bland' the employee has no way of knowing if the manager even knows what work the employee does or how hard the employee had to work in order to deliver the task! Being specific clears up any ambiguity; it says 'I recognise the value of the work you have just done; I can see the effort you put in to meet that deadline' and so on. Being specific adds weight to the 'well done'! And remember no one is perfect. If you wait for perfection before you praise, you could be creating a very negative environment for people who report to you. Praise incrementally, praise what is good, when it's good. Praise because it is part of your job as a manager, supervisor, or team leader to encourage others to be their best. Source: Total Success For more information see Gallup Research on praising employees

All good performance starts with clear, achievable and measurable goals. People need to know what is expected of them. This is fundamental to the process of managing others well. I have run countless goal setting workshops with everyone smiling and nodding because they understand this basic principle – yet when we look at the goals they are working with, it is clear the principles of goal setting have not been applied. The key to setting a goal is to ensure that it is SMART. I know we know this… Specific Measurable Agreed Realistic Timed Specific – What do you want someone to do? Simply saying things like ‘Just get it done’ is not a specific task! Measurable – How will you know the task is progressing and how will you know the task is done to standard? How often will you review progress? What are the Key Performance Indicators (KPIs)? Agreed – Do they understand what is being asked and have they agreed that what you are asking is something they can achieve? Realistic – Is the person properly equipped or empowered to do the task? Is the task doable relative to timeframes, resources available and skills needed? Are you giving someone a task you know they will fail at? Timed – When should this task be completed? What’s the deadline? Is it a short-term or long-term task? There are some other variations to the SMART acronym adding 'ER' and making SMART... SMARTer. 'E' can mean 'evaluated' which is a part of the 'measurable' set of actions in ensuring that tasks have delivered the desired outcomes. For example, showing someone how to use a piece of software will need to be evaluated to determine if the learner can then use the software. The 'E' can also mean 'ethical'. The additional 'R' can mean 'relevant'. Is what's being asked worthwhile, purposeful and meaningful or is it just busyness? Proper goal setting takes a little more time than simply barking orders at someone, but if work is to be productive and if workers are to be motivated - take the time to do it properly. Meet with employees, make sure they are actively involved in the process of setting goals and targets so that they can take ownership of the tasks and take pride in their work.

Many people worry that if they assert themselves they will come across as aggressive. But there is a difference between being assertive and aggressive. Assertive people state their opinions, while still being respectful of others. Aggressive people attack or ignore others' opinions in favour of their own. Passive people don't state their opinions at all. · Being assertive works at balance · Being aggressive works at winning · Being passive works at nothing Here are some behaviour examples: Passive Behaviour: Is afraid to speak up Aggressive Behaviour: Interrupts and 'talks over' others Assertive Behaviour: Speaks clearly Passive Behaviour: Speaks softly Aggressive Behaviour: Speaks loudly Assertive Behaviour: Uses a conversational tone Passive Behaviour: Avoids looking at people Aggressive Behaviour: Glares and stares at others Assertive Behaviour: Makes good eye contact Passive Behaviour: Shows little or no expression Aggressive Behaviour: Intimidates others with expressions Assertive Behaviour: Shows expressions that match the message Passive Behaviour: Slouches and withdraws Aggressive Behaviour: Stands rigidly, crosses arms, invades others' personal space Assertive Behaviour: Relaxes and adopts an open posture and expressions Passive Behaviour: Isolates self from groups Aggressive Behaviour: Controls groups Assertive Behaviour: Participates in groups Passive Behaviour: Agrees with others, despite personal feelings Aggressive Behaviour: Only considers own feelings, and makes demands of others Assertive Behaviour: Can respectfully agree and disagree with clear points Passive Behaviour: Values self less than others Aggressive Behaviour: Values self more than others Assertive Behaviour: Values self equal to others Passive Behaviour: Hurts self to avoid hurting others Aggressive Behaviour: Hurts others to avoid being hurt Assertive Behaviour: Tries to hurt no one (including self) Passive Behaviour: Does not reach goals and may not know goals Aggressive Behaviour: Reaches goals but hurts others in the process Assertive Behaviour: Is mindful to reach goals without alienating others Passive Behaviour: You're okay, I'm not Aggressive Behaviour: I'm okay, you're not Assertive Behaviour: I'm okay, you're okay See MindTools for more information

Logic and disbelief wed In union refusing The permanence of your Absence Nonsensical flirts with absolute Natural order teases sanity The emptiness of rooms Still filled with your things Scent without true origin Voice without lasting embodiment Vapours of remaining Joy too steep a gradient Grief is love Unable to find you Crying out and hearing no reply Pleading and receiving no mercy Grief is love Taunted by truancy To stand where you stood To sit where you sat To lay where you lay And still not find you Becomes incredulity dressed In acceptance that I’ll never get passed You not being here NaiNai (c) 2022 Me and Mum 2012

Though I speak precisely I am not understood Hearers are confused by my eloquence and My refusal to yield not one second To their arrogance Preoccupied by resistance to my intelligence They interrupt my articulate delivery Just to see who’s pulling my puppet strings And fail to listen As I am neither angry nor weeping My expressions fall outside their spectrum of conceiving Their inability to comprehend Causes them pain-in-the-chest panic They are perplexed by my confidence Perturbed by the pride I find In melanated beauty Scrambling to understand how I found out I was awesome [...] They work at openly disrespecting me Yet secretly... I am every Black Woman they fantasise about Yearning for the 'good old days' when they would leave Resentful, frigid, prim and proper wives In dead of night to visit me And sadistic ears hear honey in my screams I am every Black Woman they despise for Having the audacity to rise As if I belong in the heavens With feet too royal To touch the ground [...] I am every Black Woman rightfully reclaiming my time Calling them to answer for their crimes Showing not a lick of fear While exposing their lies Telling them to get out of my way So that I can continue my ascent unobstructed Bringing my people with me Nairobi Thompson © 2017 Excerpt fm 'Reclaiming My Time' Inspired by Rep. Maxine Waters (D-Calif) Reclaiming her time from Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin - 'Don't waste my finite and allotted time telling me how great I am, just answer the question. Awesome Aunty Maxine!'

How they goin tell me That you ain’t worth nothin When every God-chiselled inch Of you is perfectly, perfectly hewn Black man How they goin tell me That you lazy When your labour built the world There isn’t a place on this earth That isn’t infused with you – Blood sweat tears and bone Black man How they goin tell me That you are stupid When you were the first Mathematician, physician Architect, astronomer, musician Artist and magician The list of firsts is endless Black man I refuse the lies The negative stereotypes The diatribe about your worthlessness I am tired of listening to all that You’ve got this black woman’s support You are the salmon Swimming upstream Against the rush of water You are excellent Because you are disciplined And habitual about improvement You build your mind and body Becoming strength able to Bear the weak For what is strength without burden Or eyes without sight Or heart without beat You know the price of Endurance and enlightenment And gladly pay For this is who you are You have purpose and value I - see - you! And know that the world Is a better place With you firmly in it Nairobi Thompson © 2020

She knew he would eventually understand Her gift in retrospection Introspection and recollection would show The superficiality of adhering to a ‘type’ So she gave him more than he was ready for More than he deserved Plenty to lay in store for the time Of his awakening The predictable shallows: His comfort for too long Bathed in full moon light Drew him to deep Sleep taught him Dismantling stereotypes in his subconscious Wake challenged him Positing new directions for consideration Visions and dreams implored him To act—to defy the convention And profanity of ‘the perfect woman’ The absurdity of a flawless personality: The ideal The expected The accepted And instead Love in the abandoned way All secretly seek Were it not for the criticism they would reap From those who because of Their own insecurities and jealousies Advise him not to leap But the spiritual realms pushed him For everything in conference knew He would never in all his life Meet one so unique again Nairobi Thompson (c) 2016

I am an accomplished woman Committed to strong endeavour I find favour wherever I am I was born to be great Not as some count greatness... Called to fulfil my potential, my purpose I give no place to bitterness Though nobody's fool In forgiving and moving forward The dark is light about me All that has been stolen from me Shall be restored with interest Patrons are moved to bestow gifts I am extraordinarily fortunate Sometimes reaping where I have not sown Doors are flung wide open for me Earnest invitations Lead me to tables spread with bounty When I fall angels bare me up Good Samaritans bind my wounds I am endowed beyond measure with wisdom, Health, and confidence My 'Now' is in my hands With gladness of heart I am thankful Showing love and compassion To those in need Building others And my life is enriched all the more I am an accomplished woman I find favour wherever I am Nairobi Thompson (c) 2015