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Sabotage

My body is drunk again

Yet with sober eyes

Still seeing all that I despise

Before me


When did I learn to loathe myself?

To diminish my wealth and damage my health

Because I was not worth the care

Of good choices?

Who taught me that I was a freak?

Leaking disgust seeking

Redemption in ivory


It started when your eyes said

'Something grotesque this way comes’

It began when I looked behind me

To realise what had repulsed you so... was me

It gathered momentum when I realised

It was the touch of my hand

On yours that made you recoil

And I was only five


On and on it went

Year after year

Slight upon slight

All teaching me to

Hate myself

All telling me that

I’m not right


Millennia of demonisation

Has washed over my soul

And crippled my eye

I see nothing but that which

Is unwanted

This dark skin

Its origin disputed

Its usefulness excluded

From legitimacy


I punish myself for being

So unlovely, so un-light


In all that I have done to my body

To attain conformity

Before me I still see

No more

Than all

I have grown to abhor


Nairobi Thompson (c) 2012



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